Saturday, March 17, 2012


...I had just turned nineteen when I started seeing him. I heard about him online, back when he was just creepy pictures on Something Awful and Marble Hornets hadn't even started yet.  I was big into Something Awful. I was big into a lot of things back then. Eventually Marble Hornets did show up, and it became one of my absolute FAVORITE time-wasters for a while.

I never thought I'd end up fucking posting about him myself, I never thought I'd be finding out we'd fucking somehow brought him to FUCKING life through our fear and our paranoia and our FUCKING STORIES.

...I could not believe it when I first saw him  there, standing just outside of the department store where I worked. I just could not. I was working that day and I looked outside the front door, and like, I saw this tall swaying figure standing in the parking lot. It couldn't be him, because he's not real, and he's not going to come for me of all people, and for shit's sakes how can any human being be that damn tall it HAS to be him. ...but it couldn't be.

I was a stupid, naive, foolish little girl and I fucking hate myself for it so much like you don't even know.

Until he was literally in my bedroom, he was staring me right in the fucking face and there were no other options but RUN and save everyone I know and love or die freezing cold and alone just sitting there while everyone around me suffered for my mistake and I'm so scared of real interaction the idea that it could happen again terrifies me.

No, I couldn't let that happen, so I pack up and's been a year. I still can't comprehend the Slenderman fully. Every single time I see him I get that little voice in the back of my head saying 'it's just your imagination' and I wonder if it is. Maybe that's what we have as an advantage over him though. Maybe...just maybe that little warning in the back of our head is some kind of...reminder that he's there and he's not of our world, somehow. It helps us get away from him. Helps us see and know when he's there, 'cause I honestly believe that knowledge and understanding are out best weapons against him.

I just wish I could have my fucking life back goddammit. I know this post isn't useful or experiment oriented or anything like that but I just felt rant-y and really needed to get this out because like right now I'm sitting derping around on a fucking rooftop, and ALL I can bring myself to do is read blogs from other people who are being followed or watch videos from people who are being followed or look at pictures of him on Google and jeebus I have no idea why. I can't bring myself to do anything else. I just want to get to Austin, TX, so I can be with Elan and Cam and maybe play video games or watch movies or do whatever normal people are supposed to do.

Maybe then I can stop thinking about this horrible fucking situation I'm in for just a little while.

Peace and Love,

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